3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
