Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
