just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
