is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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