It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
