Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
