I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
