I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize