I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
