i don't like sucking hair
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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