I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
