You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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