Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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