If i come over, it means nothing
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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