Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
is that a dick in a sweater?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
