He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
