i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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