the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
