he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you inspire me to be a worse person
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize