Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
