I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
