This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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