There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
