Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize