There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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