And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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