I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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