So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
