I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
