whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
