I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
