I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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