The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
