I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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