The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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