Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
