you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
