Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
