Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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