I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
