we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
