its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
