i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
