hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
