How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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