Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
