The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
