There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
