you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
