Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
you never un-have a 4some
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
