The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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