I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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