someone get that fucking seahorse.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
