this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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