She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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