everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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