final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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