butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
