If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
