you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
