It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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