Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
