he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
