everyone is single if you try hard enough
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize