I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize