Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
