If i come over, it means nothing
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
