They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
