I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
