I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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