the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Drunk is a universal language darling
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