This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
