i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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