paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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