He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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